You often hear woman, seemingly in adoration, tell you her man is her best friend. Commence grumbling and eye-rolling. Any woman in the know, recognizes this is a travesty in motion.
Your man’s role in your life is not to be your best friend, the person you rely on for EVERYTHING. This is unhealthy and not sustainable. The role of your significant other is to be there to live your lives as a couple who shares romantic passion. Women expect men today to be their best friends, their lovers, their support system, their emotional tampons, their providers, their punching bags, their caregiver, their spouse, their parent, their lifeguard, their bouncer, the list is endless. Your man is some of this, but he is a man, not a village.
I saw a Ted Talk by Ester Perel on long term relationships and sustaining desire:
“So reconciling our need for security and our need for adventure into one relationship, or what we today like to call a passionate marriage, used to be a contradiction in terms. Marriage was an economic institution in which you were given a partnership for life in terms of children and social status and succession and companionship. But now we want our partner to still give us all these things, but in addition I want you to be my best friend and my trusted confidant and my passionate lover to boot, and we live twice as long.
So we come to one person, and we basically are asking them to give us what once an entire village used to provide. Give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity, but give me transcendence and mystery and awe all in one. Give me comfort, give me edge. Give me novelty, give me familiarity. Give me predictability, give me surprise. And we think it’s a given, and toys and lingerie are going to save us with that.” (Source)
When women call their men their ‘best friend’, it’s an indicator of a desire to cheat. She’s already put him in the category of comforter rather than lover. Women continually do this thinking it’s normal. Everyone says it, so should I. But of all the things your man is to you, don’t belittle him by calling him your BFF. You have girlfriends for that. And those women in your life are important. You have family and an external support system to rely on, use them. Once you start taking every little complaint you may have in life, you dilute the things they count when it comes to taking up your man’s time and attention to what matters.
Women beta-ize their men without even realizing it. We have a systematic subconscious system of belittling and emasculating men. Do you want him to treat you like he treats a child? Then stop acting like a grown child around him when you break a nail or someone at work told you your project sucks. The true strength in real women is that they understand and respect the role the men in their life has and takes measure to guard it. They want him to know he is respected, appreciated, and loved. They show him by being a woman competent in life and not needing them for EVERY LITTLE THING that comes their way.
Our romantic ideals end up becoming a laundry list of needs and unrealistic expectations. These women that call their men their ‘best friends’ don’t think they are doing any harm. But then wonder why 10 years later they wake up in a dispassionate marriage and end up cheating.
Protect your men, their role, and their masculinity. Your man works hard, respect his time and attention and guard the energy that powers the passion within you both.
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– Devon