Breakups Happen. To Everyone. Girls today are exceptionally creative when it comes to dodging blame. Trust me, men see through this B.S. and a man who doesn’t either a) doesn’t care because he just wants to bang, or b) is naive. I’m not sure which is worse. A real man will call you out on your B.S. It sucks, but being held personally accountable for your flaws and faults is the best way to move forward.
Ladies, if a man asks you about your sexual past, dodge it. There is never a good answer to this question. Either he a) won’t believe you and multiple it by 5, or b) won’t believe you and multiply it by 10. If a man asks you about your past relationships, it’s time to be honest. If you come at him with “well he was a cheater” or “he was an abusive alcoholic that blew all our money on gambling” he is going to a) wonder if you cheated first, or b) question your character judgment abilities.
Now, I’m not saying brutal honesty is the right path here. If you tell him that you slept with your neighbor and got caught or that you broke up with your ex because he wouldn’t allow you to go to Ibiza with your 5 besties, odds are he’s out before the check comes. A man will respect you for being honest about what went wrong and what you learned. If you tell him that you were a bad girlfriend – you took him for granted or stopped doing the little things that kept the spark alive and are determined to never let that happen again, he’ll say ok. Admitting fault isn’t a weakness for a woman.
Never deflect when these topics arise because most men are on “team men”, have been screwed over by women in the past, and for every trickle truth statement you make there will be 10 more questions swirling in his head as the tries to play connect the dots to the truth. A “slow reveal” is never a good look, as the rabbit hole gets deeper so will his mistrust and desire to move on.
Always turn the conversation to yourself. Tell him what you learned, not stupid stories about your ex and how “horrible” he was. Even a simple statement like, “Things were good, until they weren’t. We were incompatible and mutually decided to part ways” is enough for most men! They don’t want to hear how you were a victim or that your ex of 4 years ‘raped’ you one night when you didn’t feel like having sex. Less is more in these situations.
Most importantly, before you start dating again and have these conversations, it’s important to take the time to process the breakup, self analyze and be honest with yourself about what went wrong and what you can do better. Whether it’s basic vetting (or failure to vet at all) or realizing that you were exhibiting behavior conducive to cheating, you need to understand your role and responsibility in the outcome. I’m not saying to beat yourself up, I am saying that unless you come to terms and hold yourself accountable, you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
Got a thought or comment? Would love to hear it.
Be well.
— RRPW